The au pair-adox
13 June 2025
You may have watched Secrets We Keep (Reservatet) – this year's hit Danish Netflix series set in a wealthy Copenhagen suburb. It follows three women balancing class, motherhood, and marriage – as well as a murder mystery. But it is the au pairs in the background who have sparked the real debate in Denmark.
The Danish au pair programme has been around since the 1970s and similar schemes are running in Belgium, the Netherlands, and Germany. Young foreigners, mostly women from the Philippines, come to Denmark for up to two years, live with a Danish family, and help with childcare and household chores. In return, they get a bit of pocket money and a unique opportunity to experience Danish culture.
It's lovely in theory. Less so in reality, though. Technically, au pairs are not workers – they are 'part of the family'. But when they work 30 hours of domestic duties a week for around €630 a month, the line between cultural exchange and underpaid labour gets rather blurry. A survey from 2023 found that 9 out of 10 au pairs in Denmark send money home – a sign that, for many, this is more about economic survival.
In recent years, the number of complaints from au pairs about abusive and exploitative treatment has risen, with several host families (35 across 2022 and 2023 to be precise) being blacklisted and fined. Still, the scheme remains popular, with around 700 new permits issued annually. In contrast, Norway chose to shut down its au pair programme entirely in 2024, following repeated reports of mistreatment.
Defenders of the programme insist it is a win-win situation: families get help and au pairs get language skills, cultural exposure, and potentially a stepping stone to a life in Europe. Some women admit that having an au pair eases the domestic workload, which still falls predominantly on women. This gives them the time and space to maintain full-time careers.
However, critics have called the au pair model a form of modern-day colonialism, framed as 'mutual exchange', which reinforces stark global inequalities.
 | Erica Bernsten Strange After high school, I spent eight months living with a host family in New Zealand. I improved my English, got to travel the country, and had a host family that really felt like family. But I also had an EU passport. That makes all the difference: I was not sending money home. Coming from Denmark – a country proud of its reputation as a beacon of gender equality and social fairness – there is something deeply uncomfortable about the paradoxical system that relies on the exploitation of women from the Global South. |
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